Gone

Where do you begin when you’ve been gone for so long?

Gone from the routine of typing at the keyboard, gone from the process of composing the story, gone from the friendship that used to be a lifeline, gone from connecting with a love you always knew.

How do you return when there’s so much to say but nowhere to begin?

Lost is the feeling of being connected to the risk. Lost is the urge to create something new, to jump-off, to be scared. Lost is you, the one below the wagon from which you just fell.

To stand up and brush yourself off, to feel inspired, to climb back on seems impossible. To stay where you are,Β down below the wagon, in the shuffle of dirt, is easier than the alternative. So you remain disconnected from hope, from love, from yourself.

Months pass.

You remain hidden in the shadows, away from the light. Down below, your life becomes about survival. To simply exist becomes the greatest struggle you know.

Eventually, however, something forces you to move. (An external force, an internal switch? Is there a difference?) And even though you find discomfort in doing something beyond your control, you know moving is better than standing still.

Before long you find yourself moving like you once did. Up, about, around. Soon you remember how good it feels to stay in motion. So much so, you can’t stop.

Finally you return to that place you left behind months ago. You begin employing the habits you forget you once had. You return to the self you love and enjoy. You discover the color of consistency again, and remind yourself of its everlasting importance.

And so it begins today. The journey continues. Welcome back.

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34 thoughts on “Gone

  1. Welcome Back Ryan: we missed you but know you where off doing Inside Dish with Ross Mathews!!

    Look Forward to what new with you man!

    Matthew
    Colorado

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  2. RYAN, YOUR RIGHT WHERE YOU SHOULD BE.WRITING ALL THOSE WONDERFUL STORIES YOU HAVE INSIDE OF YOU. KEEP WRITING, KEEP WRITING. AS LONG AS I’M ALIVE I’LL KEEP PUSHING YOU A LITTLE TO KEEP ON KEEPING ON.

    TG

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  3. Excellent. I’ve been checking in here once a week or so since your last post. I missed you so and am so glad you’re back.

    Thank You,
    RPGypsy

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  4. Hi Ryan,

    Like the rest of your readers I welcome you back. I have to say that you are a fantastic writer. You have an amazing ability to put what you feel, think and experience into words on paper (or in this case computer screen) and that is a true gift. And I’m so happy you are sharing it with us. Altough english is not my first language I truly enjoy reading your stories and hope you will continue to share them with us.

    Camilla

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  5. Wow…long time blog buddy, but this is my first visit to your site. This entry happened to be very profound for me, today, right now. So thank you, and know that your words are incredibly inspiring & powerful. Rosie said recently on her blog that her goal is to “live authentically.” That is easier said than done, but your words show that you “get it,” as well. I’m just hoping I have the courage to do the same.

    Blessings to you in 2010, Ryan!

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  6. So worth the wait!!

    β€œThe best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”

    One of those quotes about life that rings so true…had to share it with you in case you hadn’t seen it before.

    Wishing you lots of wonderful days in your journey!

    Linda

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  7. OF COURSE I CAN’T MAKE A COMMENT WITHOUT A MISTAKE BUT I WOULDN’T BE ME IF I DIDN’T RIGHT?

    I MEANT TO SAY COMMENTS NOT COMMENT.

    TG

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  8. Welcome Back, Ryan! I agree, it feels good to be back. For some reason, the words you wrote, and said, gives me some hope to get back on the band wagon, to start my journey again, that I once lost. I believe that life is a like a roller coaster. I have to start over, and this – what you wrote, gives me hope. πŸ™‚

    Before I go, I was once told that, “Everyone has a story.” I feel you have many to share, and so I will await for more of your stories, and the wisdom that you will share with us Blog Buddies. πŸ™‚

    Happy New Year!
    Alesha SD aka MysteriousWriter

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  9. Hey Ry-guy!

    The good news is… we’ve all had that feeling to some extent before – so you’re never alone. The hardest part is fear of the unknown – but if you sit back and think about it… sometimes that’s also the most exciting part – something new is about to come…

    Chick

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  10. Welcome Back Ryan,

    Hope you have a wonderful New Year, and you are such a gifted writer, you can put into words what people are thinking, we all wish we could put down those beautiful
    words like you can on paper.

    SusieJo :}

    Like

  11. … and when you return you find that we are all here waiting for you. What a wonderful way to begin 2010 with ‘our Ryan’ back.

    I am so happy to see your return.

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  12. Welcome back! I hope you find joy in being back, in writing, in expressing yourself. You were *wonderful* at Inside Dish and you’re wonderful here! Thank you!

    Katie

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  13. Very poignant and thought provoking blog! I think that what you wrote holds true for so many. It made me think a lot about where my life is and where it should be headed or could be headed. I very much enjoy your writing and hope to get to read more of what you write more frequently! Can’t wait to see what’s ahead for you!!

    ~Renin

    Like

  14. Glad to see you back – I’m with you on trying to “get back” – I haven’t blogged since the Fall and have been trying to get back into it this week – it’s the 7th and I haven’t written a thing!

    Take care!

    Like

  15. I’m so glad you are back, Ryan. I’ve missed reading your thoughts and your stories. I do hope you write a book. You are truly a gifted writer.

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  16. This is my first time actually on your blog, and the first thing I read is this wonderful piece. You have a wonderful way with words, as many others before me have commented. ^_^ I can’t wait to read more! This piece especially resonates with me. It reminds me a lot of when I’m depressed and coming out of one of the lower times. It’s very inspiring. πŸ™‚ Keep up the amazing work!!

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  17. THE ROSS BLOG GUYS I’M SURE ARE MISSING YOU AS WELL AS MYSELF. I HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU AND YOU ARE WORKING HARD ON YOUR LIFES PATH. I HOPE WE GET A LOOK INTO WHAT YOUR WRITING.[ WORK ON THAT BOOK].

    TG

    Like

  18. A FEW DAYS LATER AND WE’RE STILL MISS SEEING YOU AND WONDERING IF YOUR WORKING ON A NEW SHOW. PLEASE CHECK IN ONCE AND A WHILE. YOU HAVE MANY FANS. WHEN THE INSIDE DISH CAME TO AN END, IT SEEM LIKE YOU DROPPED OUT OF SIGHT. I HOPE YOU GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE.

    TG GRANNY

    Like

  19. Ryan, the same thing happens to single mothers when their children are grown and have moved on after our lives had been all about out children.

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